You know what’s annoying? When people assume that you can’t make friends because you’re an introvert. They assume that you are destined to a life of loneliness and social awkwardness.
They don’t understand that introversion and shyness aren’t the same thing. Shyness, which has to do with a fear of social interactions, is a trait that is independent of introversion.
Extroverts can be shy, just as introverts can be confident and socially skilled. It’s just that introverts lose energy while socializing and need to recharge alone to feel at our best.
Trust me when I say that there are plenty of introverts out there who are popular and well-liked. They make friends easily, even though they might find socializing draining.
Unfortunately, these introverts often get mistaken for extroverts, which is frustrating because we introverts could use all the positive press we can get.
For too long, introverts have been stereotyped as failed extroverts who hate people. Not so! What I’ve discovered from writing about introversion for the past six years, and doing confidence and social skills coaching, is that introverts can have superior social skills.
If you’re an introvert looking to feel more at ease in social settings and make friends, here are 7 habits of introverts who make friends easily:
1. Have a friendly face
Have you ever been told that you seem aloof, intimidating, or snobby? You’re not alone. Many introverts hear these comments all the time. A lot of it has to do with the introvert resting b*tch face. And hey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
But with a few small tweaks you can appear more approachable. Practice being more present and aware of your facial expressions in social settings. to start, focus on having an open facial expression by “smizing” (smiling with your eyes).
2. Have social hobbies
The secret to making real friends as an introvert is to combine your passions with socializing. After all, the prospect of meeting new people isn’t always enough to get introverts out consistently.
But if you know you’ll be doing an activity you love while also meeting new people, you’ll be more motivated to go. My past social hobbies have included church activities, salsa dancing, standup comedy, and outdoor adventures.
3. Know social connectors
A social connector is someone who is always rallying and planning activities. They know a lot of people and they’re happy to introduce you to their friends.
The key is finding a social connector who shares your values and interests so that they can connect you with the right kind of people.
4. Take initiative
Believe me, no one knows better than I do how tempting it is to hang back and let others take the initiative when socializing.
As an introvert, you might wait for others to approach. Perhaps, you also let others steer the conversation in the direction of their choosing. Which can mean a lot of stops in Boring Town.
Turn the odds in your favor by taking the initiative. Be the first to introduce yourself and ask an icebreaker question like, “what do you think of the food here?”
5. Show genuine curiosity
Think of a time when you instantly liked someone you just met. Chances are that person showed a genuine interest in you. When they asked a question, they seemed to really want to know the answer.
The secret to conveying this kind of interest is to get curious about a person’s motivations, passions, and dreams. Also, only ask questions you care about.
6. Stay in the Friendship Flow
People who make friends easily have a habit of saying in the Friendship Flow. This is a state in which you prioritize friendship and recognize that connection, however small, inevitably leads to more connection.
Avoid getting stuck in a pattern of isolation and stay in the Friendship Flow by scheduling in social activities before you get lonely.
7. Consistently connect
One of the key Friendship Factors that everyone looks for in a new friend is consistency. People want to know that you’re not going to flake on them.
Staying consistent with new friends is especially important as blossoming friendships need regular watering to grow.
I go into more depth on the how to stay in the Friendship Flow and master all 6 of the Friendship Factors for attracting your ideal friends in Introvert Friendship Quickies.
Over to you
Did anything in today’s article resonate with you? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. In case you’re new here, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Michaela, author of The Irresistible Introvert. I have a gift for you. Download my free Introvert Conversation Cheat Sheet.
I work at the University and many people believe I am an extrovert but I’m not, shyness kills me. So going to start sharing with my friends your website, since it is a issue.
Thank you for sharing that, Liz. I’m happy that you’ll be sharing my site with your friends. 🙂
I am an extravert in love with an introvert that is so afraid of marriage that she asked me to marry her, then when we agreed on marriage, she ran away and has never talked to me since. She told me earlier in our happier days that no one in her lifetime had ever stood beside her and tried to help her to struggle through the tough things and I swore I would. It has been almost 6 months since she split and I have been true to her and have done everything I can to help her but she still acts like she hates me now. I still want to marry her no matter what has happened. I may not be like everyone else and I lover her unconditionally. Do you have any ideas or thoughts on what I can do to bring her back to me? She is a wonderful person.
Hi Dan, I’m sorry to hear that you lost a wonderful innie woman. It’s hard to say if it’s possible to bring her back. She just might now be able to have a longterm relationship. I suggest that you let her know that you’re here for her, but you’re also going to start dating again. It’s important to move on with your life. This will also help her see that if she wants a future with you she can’t wait forever.
It was so comforting to hear that being an introvert and being shy don’t come hand in hand. I think that is the most common misunderstanding about introverted behavior.